Hello friends!
I’m sorry for not uploading or anything recently. Life has been crazy at home and at school, but things have slowed down and hopefully I can be more consistent whether it’s filming with an actual camera or my phone! I hope you guys enjoy the new update!
Lots of love and Hugs,
Becky Espinoza
In this video, I kind of explain my lack of updating.
Hello World! Vlog
I do hope to keep this semi updated as well, and I hope you guys get a chance to watch the video!
I have been thinking a lot about how I haven’t written anything in so long recently. The thing is, I didn’t have anything to talk about, or so I thought. It has been a year since Ferguson happened. It seems much longer than a year, yet so recent at the same time. There has been plenty of deaths that have occurred as well, and it is terribly upsetting that those responsible for the deaths have been able to live their lives comfortably.
On almost every form of social media I have seen, I have seen #BlackLivesMatter and #AllLivesMatter. While some say that #AllLivesMatter came about to silence the outcries of my fellow Americans. Whether or not that is true, I do know one thing: People Matter.
I recently heard about 19-year-old Zachary Hammond. I found out days later about his death, and I was shocked that I had not heard about it sooner. If everyone that had been behind #AllLivesMatter, why had I not heard about this young man’s death? Why did they think that this boy didn’t deserve an outcry? Was it because he was white? Was it because of marijuana?
No; it was because people decide who is worth being cared about. Who are we to decide whether this person’s death is more significant than another? It is those same people that decide that if we don’t look a certain way that we are worthless.
If there is one thing that this world needs to realize is that PEOPLE MATTER, no matter what they look like, regardless if they are black, white, a size 2, or a size 44.
I understand that people don’t have the same beliefs as I do, but the one thing that we should be able to agree on is that people have worth, and that they matter. I find it hard to believe that in the depths of someone’s heart they do not think that any given person has infinite worth.
But Becky, what if they’re like Hitler, or a terrorist or something? I am glad you brought that up. They still matter. Am I excusing them for their deeds? By no means. But life matters. As a Christian, I believe that God crafted each person individually, and He has given them infinite worth. While we can do wrong and dreadful things, that doesn’t change the fact that each person has value, indescribable worth, and matters.
The body of Christ (myself included) should be mourning every time a person is murdered or killed. We should reach out to the family/families affected. We should pray for the killers. The killers? Yes, because as horrible as their deed may be, they matter too.
I am not saying that any of that is easy. We have our own problems, our own demons to deal with, but we must realize that we need to live outside of ourselves. Failure to do so will only lead to our demise.
Stand with me in showing that truly #AllLivesMatter because #PeopleMatter. Mourn the losses. Pray for the killers. Stand by the families. Love others. Know that YOU have worth.
With so much love and tight hugs,
Becky Espinoza
On most Wednesday nights, I go to my church’s young adults group called Ethos. The group is really great, and I’m starting to make really good friends. We started this series called Uphill: The Battle for the Abundant Life.
As we are going through this series, Charles, the Ethos pastor, was talking about how he likes to look at very successful people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc. He commented on how you can see the fruits of their labor, and one can even say that their lives have reached completion in a sense.
I begin to look at my life, and I know that I am nowhere near complete. There are so many things that I want to do with my life and time. And I mean, where to begin? Counselor, teacher, barista, photographer, writer, awesome girlfriend (some day… Jake suggested that, and more on that on my next post), and so much more.
I have already completed my undergrad career; I got accepted to my dream grad school, and yet I feel like I’m missing something.
I like to take a look at the broken parts of my life from time to time. Rarely is it for a pity party (although, ice cream helps), but it’s to see how despite the crappiest moments in my life, I’m not done and I won’t give up.
In my last post I shared lyrics from The Workday Release’s new album titled City Lights. Let me share once more from the song Damages.
“Don’t count me with the damages just yet; I know that I have fire left.”
I have the fire to do more with my relationships and myself. That drive, that passion comes from my Creator. It is the One who hung the stars that has stirred up the fire that is in my bones. The fire that urges me to be more, to love more, to live outside of myself, and to make a difference in someone’s life.
Maybe you have a fire within you. Maybe you have a passion for something that is crazy. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to pursue that passion and fire. You were created with a purpose. Live out your dreams. Live out your purpose. Know that I am rooting for you! Keep doing you!
Lots of love & hugs,
Becky
I am not one for liking change. Change puts me under a lot of stress, and when I stress, I’m not a great person to be around. I cause problems in my relationships; I procrastinate more (which frankly, I didn’t think was possible); and I just hate to be around myself.
But recently, there have been a series of recent changes that I am okay with, and I actually love the changes.
While I wish different aspects of my life were playing out the way I’d like, the changes happening in other parts of my life are exciting!
I applied to grad school around mid/late January. I heard back from the school for interviews early February. The interviews ended up taking place in the last week of February. That’s when changes started happening.
The Monday before my interviews, I decided that a way to calm my nerves was to go to a concert! I mean great music lifts weary spirits, and I knew that listening to The Workday Release would do just that.
As I drove to LA, I drove by the famous skyline. I began to remember the different times I would drive past it to go visit Paul. It’s so strange not having him around anymore. The change of him not being around is becoming bearable.
When I finally reached the venue, I got to see David play after about three/four years. It was great seeing how much he has grown musically! As his set went on, he played one of his new songs that bears the same title as the album, City Lights. It’s a fun song that talks about the city and trying to make it on your own. The chorus stuck with me.
“Take off, show me the stars
I’m ready to leave; I’m ready to leave the city
I’m flat broke, show me the road to the good life”
As much as I hate change, I didn’t realize that I am craving change. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready for the good life.
A few days later, I had my interviews for grad school. I GOT IN!!! I’m going to be starting a new chapter in my life academically.
A few days after my acceptance, I received a phone call for an interview to be a casual sub for a really great company in their children’s learning center. There might be a change in my professional life as well.
I am getting more responsibility with the high school ministry that I am a part of, and I couldn’t be happier!
I am making friends, and a friendship that I didn’t realize that I even wanted when I first met this individual is flourishing. I cannot wait to see where that leads either!
Change is in the air, and for once, I am thrilled for it.
Lots of love & hugs,
Becky
P.S.
If you get the chance, you should definitely get The Workday Release’s new album City Lights on iTunes, Amazon, and GooglePlay! You will not be disappointed!
What is there to say about life?
I always feel like I could be doing so much more with my life, mainly because I know that I can be. I mean don’t get me wrong, binge watching your favorite show on Netflix for the fiftieth time will finally get you to notice that one hair twitch that changed the course of the entire series and ultimately your life is super crucial.
I do not mean that in any serious way, but I just start to question what I could be doing instead of watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager for the tenth time (go ahead and judge, I know it’s ridiculous and I own it). I could finish reading the book I started over the summer, or one of the seven crochet projects I’ve started over the last few years, apply to grad school! Oh, wait… I actually did apply to grad school, and I also have an interview for that… I should start prepping for that…
The thing about life is that we never really realize how short it is until we look back at old calendars with only doctor’s appointments written down, or yearbooks in which maybe five people wrote in it including your two favorite teachers. Maybe it’s not even going through these old mementos, but rather going to a funeral/memorial of someone that you knew.
This happened to me recently. I went to the memorial service of a girl that I went to middle school with. When I first met her, I wasn’t too sure if I even wanted to know who she was because of the people that she hung out with. They weren’t very kind to me, and I wasn’t too sure if she was the same way. Fast-forward a year later, and I am on a bus with her on our way to Mexico on a mission trip. I got to know her really well. She was very kind and empathetic. I liked spending that time with her.
We get back to the States, and we didn’t talk much after that. Life just got crazy busy for both of us, and we lost contact with each other. Several years past and we are in December of 2014. I see a Facebook post saying that she had passed away. I just couldn’t believe it. The sweet girl I met was no longer around.
I sat staring at my computer screen just waiting to feel something. Anything.
Is this real life?
And then it hit me. I felt as though I had been catapulted back into the hotel room I was in on February 23, 2013 when I had two phone calls with two very important people. It was like I could almost hear both Lindsey and Teri saying that Paul had passed away. I felt like everything was still and I could just hear my heart beating. The knot began to form in my throat. I sat in shock.
While I sat at my friend’s memorial service, I kept going back to Paul’s death. This wasn’t to say that I didn’t think of my friend either, it’s just that they both had the same shock factor and it was like I was going through the experience along with this current death.
My friend had plans to make herself better; to make a better life for her daughters. Paul was filming as an extra and he wanted to continue his music. They were actively doing something with their time and lives.
I’m over here shipping Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak.
I want my life to be meaningful and not just empty calendars with appointments written on them. I want to write a book (about what, I have no clue). I want to be proficient at the ukulele. I want to learn how to be a barista. I want to go to awesome concerts. I want to run a half marathon (training for it counts, right?). I want to fall in love. I want to do things that can help people. I want to change lives.
But to do that, I need to leave my room. I need to stop being lazy.
Oh, Lord, give me strength.
Love & hugs,
Becky
Over the last two years, I have had to say “goodbye” to certain people in my life. Some of them were because of personal reasons, people wanting to peace out of my life, and death. I for one am not too fond of goodbyes. I feel like what I had known for so long, what felt so secure, is nothing more than something that can be snatched away.
I was watching the new Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb movie at the theatre by myself (sometimes you just need “me time,” you know?), and there was one particular scene that hit me pretty hard.
In the scene, Robin Williams’ character, Teddy Roosevelt, tells Ben Stiller’s character, Larry Daley, that he and some of the other museum characters are ready for a change. Larry replies with a very emotional, “But I’m not ready!” (see?! No real spoilers!)
I started thinking, how many times have I said that to others? How many times have I thought this when I couldn’t bring myself to say the words?
I began to think of the people I have lost. They seemed to have been ready to go, whether it was by choice or death. The only person in the relationships (platonic, familial, and dating) that wasn’t ready was me.
Often times I think of how I’m not ready to let go of certain things, but I am reminded that even though I may not be ready, others might be. I need to respect that, and let go even when I feel like I can’t. Courage isn’t found in being brave, but is found in going through the scary and painful things.
I know that I am nowhere near brave, let alone courageous. I am just a girl that longs for consistency, stability, just something that will not hurt me. The odds of finding that in life are slim to none. I need to accept that. I need to accept that life is a series of ups and downs; it’s constantly changing.
That’s where Christ steps in. He is the true constant in my life. He hasn’t peaced out on me. He hasn’t told me, “I just can’t be with you right now.” Or, “I can’t do this anymore. I need an out.” He is the most legit thing I have.
And yes, I have felt like sometimes he wasn’t there for me. But how many people have we pushed away only to feel like no one cares? Where my fears, anxiety and doubts have plagued my life, His love and grace abounded so much more.
Now I’m not saying that this all changes my anxiety, but what I am saying is that it continues to push me to a point where I can have courage despite the crappiness of my life. I can go through the scary and painful things in life because even though I may not be ready, I know that Someone is ready.
I know that being courageous isn’t easy, but knowing that there is a constant can make it bearable. I’m not going through it alone, and neither are you.
If you ever need a bro to talk to, or someone to go through life with you, I am totally here for you. I would love to be courageous with you. I can be reached via Twitter (@beckyblendr), Instagram (@beckyblender), Facebook (Becky Espinoza), and Email bec.espinoza@gmail.com. Life isn’t meant to be done alone.
Love & Hugs,
Becky
I had a call in shift today. When I called, my manager wanted me to come in but she tweaked the hours, which I didn’t mind. I went in feeling a bit sluggish, although I had 9 hours of sleep, but not the point.
About a month ago while I was working, I met a mother and her daughter while they were shopping. I was greeting at that point of my shift when I heard an “excuse me” behind me while I was greeting some guests with a “Hey there! Hi there! Ho there! Welcome to the Disney Store!” I turned around to see this mother and daughter. The daughter looked to be around my age (22/23 I’m guessing), and she is special needs. She was holding onto a Wilbur Robinson (from Disney’s Meet the Robinsons) plush! And if you know me, I absolutely LOVE that movie! So I was able to help them out with what they were looking for, and we started talking about Meet the Robinsons before they made their way to the box office (registers).
Today while I was ringing up guests in the box office, I noticed that they were in line. I did my best to calculate everything so I could help them again. When they walked up to my register, I told them that I remembered them! They lit up and they remembered me as well! We talked about Meet the Robinsons again! While I was helping them with their exchanges, they were telling me about how they met one of the creators of the movie. The daughter was so very excited to tell me about her experience because she knew that I would love it just as much. Not gonna lie, they had a super great opportunity to meet the man! I was finishing up the exchange, when they introduced themselves to me. They said that I am their favorite cast member, and that they hope that when they come back to the store, that I’m working so I can help them again! They are super sweet, and I hope that the next time they walk in that I’m working too!
While I’ve been working at the Disney, I’ve noticed that some people bring in family members with Down syndrome or a group of people with special needs. I love when they walk in because they’re so great and so nice! But, sometimes I hear other guests comment under their breath asking why people would bring them out in public. That truly breaks my heart. They are people. They have emotions. And honestly, they are the best guests to have at the store, because they are so kind and they follow along with the Disney language. I have so much fun with them! And it’s those groups, and those families, and this mother and daughter that I’ve met that make my day even better at the happiest place in the mall. They are the guests that make a hard shift better and brighter for me when I’m the one who should make their day a bit more magical. They are the ones that teach me the most.
Having these experiences push me to love more; to see others the way God sees them and love them that much more. Sometimes, I wish that that my heart wasn’t so big, that God didn’t give me so much care for the world, but then the rest of the time I feel it pushing me to love more, do more, be more.
So if you read all of this, thanks! and if you happen to be at the South Coast Plaza, stop by the Disney Store and ask for me! 🙂
My church (Eastside Christian Church) and I have been going through this series called Freeway. It’s all about finding the “free way” through Christ. It’s about being honest with God, others, and more importantly, yourself.
So far, the topics that have been covered have been:
– Knowing the One who grants freedom
– Awareness
– Discovery
– Ownership
– Forgiveness
The topic that has struck me has been the topic of ownership. How does ownership grant you freedom? Are they even connected? Why yes, yes they are.
Ownership is connected to freedom by how we react and own up to our choices. An example in my life where I have lacked ownership has been when I lost one of my closest friends a year and a half ago. I blamed it God, and I mistreated the relationships I had/have and jumped into a romantic relationship before being ready. If I had taken ownership of the pain I felt from losing a friend, I probably wouldn’t be trying to mend a broken heart from a broken relationship that I allowed to compromise some of my morals.
In recent pop culture news, Shia LaBeouf opened up to Interview Magazine and stated that he found God while working on his recent film Fury. I read the interview, and let me tell you, I want to meet Shia even more now (I had a HUGE crush on him when he was on Even Stevens!). At the end of the interview, Shia says:
I’ve been a runner my whole life, running from myself. Whether to movies or drinking and drugging or fu**ing calamity or whatever it is, I’ve always been running. I’m a dude who loves delusion. It’s why I love being an actor—I never have to actually look at myself or be faced with my sh** or take responsibility. So it’s been an eye-opening thing to have to look at myself, at my life, and have these reflective moments… I’ve been blessed with a sh** life.
What I absolutely love about this quote and article in general is the realness of it. I think often times as Christians in America we look at our lives and circumstances and ask God “why?.” I know I do this, probably on the daily.
Shia’s interview shows revelations from his time as being a Christian that has taken me years to even grasp. He [now] takes ownership of the circumstances that he has been through, even if they weren’t his fault. He has had to take responsibility for his life.
As someone who has grown up in the church, I haven’t taken responsibility when I should have all along. So what if Shia throws out expletives ever so often, as a young-ish Christian, he is more mature than I am.
Shia has been a great example in realizing that I need to take responsibility of my life and the choices I make. My encouragement to you is to take a step back and look at your life. Maybe you’ll see that you already take responsibility for your life, or you need to make some choices and take ownership of certain actions you may have done. I know that I need to do this.
Be blessed guys!
Lots of love & hugs,
Becky
P.S.
Sorry if this is all jumbled!
So this last week has been one heck of a roller coaster for me. Things with Taylor are completely over now. He started seeing one of my friends, and neither of them told me. Let the feelings of betrayal ensue. I also got some medical test results back, and they were abnormal, so now I have to go back to the doctor to see what can be done and see what is going on in my body. Lastly, and the best part of my week was being able to see my “older brother” get married.
At the wedding, I was so happy to see Matt get married! They are so happy and perfect for each other! God truly brought them together, and everyone sees it. With all the wedding bliss in the air, I got to slightly catch up with Matt’s best man, Dakota.
I got the chance to meet Dakota the same year I met Matt (2010). He and I didn’t necessarily talk a whole lot, but he was definitely chill. I probably saw him two/three times after we met (not including the wedding), and when we saw each other, he didn’t necessarily remember me all to well.
I was able to do a toast to the bride and groom, and shortly after I ran into (not literally, thank goodness) Dakota. He hugged me like we were pretty close friends (heck, I wasn’t gonna fight it! I love hugs!). I found out that he was stationed at the Marine Base not too far from where I work. We have kind of made plans to hang out soon-ish, and I for one am excited for hang out times!
That night, I dreamt a pretty profound (I think so anyways) conversation that I had with Dakota. We were in a room talking, and he said that he wanted to remove some artwork from the wall. I pointed out that the paint can chip and what not. What Dakota said next was mind blowing to me.
“If it does chip, we can still work with it. It doesn’t mean that it’s not beautiful.”
I woke up astonished that I could dream something up like that. And it got me thinking. Having a broken heart, illness, bad day, whatever is like having a chip in the paint. It’s still fixable. It can be worked with/on. It does not ruin the whole.
Likewise, God uses the broken pieces and chips in our lives to make something crazy beautiful out of our lives, we just have to let Him do that. And this is something that I am going to try to do this week.
Lots of love & hugs,
Becky
Another Season, Another Year 