Hey guys! Finally, an update! Sort of.

In this video, I kind of explain my lack of updating.

Hello World! Vlog
I do hope to keep this semi updated as well, and I hope you guys get a chance to watch the video!

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Still I’m Missing…

On most Wednesday nights, I go to my church’s young adults group called Ethos. The group is really great, and I’m starting to make really good friends. We started this series called Uphill: The Battle for the Abundant Life.

As we are going through this series, Charles, the Ethos pastor, was talking about how he likes to look at very successful people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc. He commented on how you can see the fruits of their labor, and one can even say that their lives have reached completion in a sense.

I begin to look at my life, and I know that I am nowhere near complete. There are so many things that I want to do with my life and time. And I mean, where to begin? Counselor, teacher, barista, photographer, writer, awesome girlfriend (some day… Jake suggested that, and more on that on my next post), and so much more.

I have already completed my undergrad career; I got accepted to my dream grad school, and yet I feel like I’m missing something.

I like to take a look at the broken parts of my life from time to time. Rarely is it for a pity party (although, ice cream helps), but it’s to see how despite the crappiest moments in my life, I’m not done and I won’t give up.

In my last post I shared lyrics from The Workday Release’s new album titled City Lights. Let me share once more from the song Damages.

“Don’t count me with the damages just yet; I know that I have fire left.”

I have the fire to do more with my relationships and myself. That drive, that passion comes from my Creator. It is the One who hung the stars that has stirred up the fire that is in my bones. The fire that urges me to be more, to love more, to live outside of myself, and to make a difference in someone’s life.

Maybe you have a fire within you. Maybe you have a passion for something that is crazy. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to pursue that passion and fire. You were created with a purpose. Live out your dreams. Live out your purpose. Know that I am rooting for you! Keep doing you!

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

We’re All Chipped

So this last week has been one heck of a roller coaster for me. Things with Taylor are completely over now. He started seeing one of my friends, and neither of them told me. Let the feelings of betrayal ensue. I also got some medical test results back, and they were abnormal, so now I have to go back to the doctor to see what can be done and see what is going on in my body. Lastly, and the best part of my week was being able to see my “older brother” get married.

At the wedding, I was so happy to see Matt get married! They are so happy and perfect for each other! God truly brought them together, and everyone sees it. With all the wedding bliss in the air, I got to slightly catch up with Matt’s best man, Dakota.

I got the chance to meet Dakota the same year I met Matt (2010). He and I didn’t necessarily talk a whole lot, but he was definitely chill. I probably saw him two/three times after we met (not including the wedding), and when we saw each other, he didn’t necessarily remember me all to well.

I was able to do a toast to the bride and groom, and shortly after I ran into (not literally, thank goodness) Dakota. He hugged me like we were pretty close friends (heck, I wasn’t gonna fight it! I love hugs!). I found out that he was stationed at the Marine Base not too far from where I work. We have kind of made plans to hang out soon-ish, and I for one am excited for hang out times!

That night, I dreamt a pretty profound (I think so anyways) conversation that I had with Dakota. We were in a room talking, and he said that he wanted to remove some artwork from the wall. I pointed out that the paint can chip and what not. What Dakota said next was mind blowing to me.

“If it does chip, we can still work with it. It doesn’t mean that it’s not beautiful.”

I woke up astonished that I could dream something up like that. And it got me thinking. Having a broken heart, illness, bad day, whatever is like having a chip in the paint. It’s still fixable. It can be worked with/on. It does not ruin the whole.

Likewise, God uses the broken pieces and chips in our lives to make something crazy beautiful out of our lives, we just have to let Him do that. And this is something that I am going to try to do this week.

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

Sometimes, I am a “Naomi”

I was reading through the book of Ruth lately. I remember growing up and hearing how I need to be like Ruth and stick with my family through every situation, or how I need to be like a Proverbs 31 woman. These are some crazy hard things to accomplish at 22, let alone 12.

When crazy and troubling times when I should be Ruth-like, I’m Naomi. I’m the brooding mother-in-law who thinks God is totally against me (a tad overdramatic, but hey! Someone has to be, right?).

I’m currently going through those troubling times. The question is, where to begin? I can start with moving from Oregon back to California. For some people, this is no big deal. I mean, I’m back in Los Angeles, the City of Angels. But for someone who has autism, change is hard. I am having a hard time with the transition. My room doesn’t feel like my room, mornings aren’t filled with Dutch Bros., and I do not have very many friends.

Then there is everything going on with my uncle. He was hospitalized before I moved back to California, and he stayed in the hospital for a few weeks before being sent home for hospice care. Some family members are just waiting for him to die, while others are still hoping and praying for a miracle. I don’t know what to do.

Then there is everything with Taylor. I replay the last few days in my mind to see what happened. Did I do something wrong? While he claimed that I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt/feel like I’m getting punished for it anyways. I may have not done anything wrong, but dealing with this with so many questions makes it difficult to move on. I want to know what happened, but I won’t get answers if communication isn’t there.

So the last month and a half has been interesting (I can’t say horrible because I know that my problems aren’t as bad as others). I have asked God where He is. I have wondered why this has all happened. Why would the people/person I need most bail when things became hard in my life? Was my love not enough?

So while I may never get the answers to my unending list of questions, I can’t forget what happened to Naomi. While she felt like God was being terrible to her (and possibly feeling abandoned), God never left her side. He was working through Ruth to bless her. My Ruth may not be so clear to me right now, but I know that some day I will know.

If you are going through a hard time or know someone that is and you/they may be acting like Naomi, it’s okay. It’s okay because you/they have a Ruth in your/their lives. It may be hard to see now, but know that they’re there. And lastly, God is there by your/their side whether feelings of abandonment or like He is against you are present. He has always been faithful, so why wouldn’t He be faithful now?

I love you guys.

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

Ch-Ch-Changes!!!

So it’s been a long time since I last posted on here. Life has been pretty crazy to say the least. Here are some of the changes that have happened:

  1. I graduated college!
  2. I am currently single (that is a long story, and still trying to deal with it)
  3. I moved back to Southern California
  4. I am a Disney Store Cast Member! (YAYYYYY!!!)
  5. I cut my hair!
  6. I signed up for a half marathon in May!
  7. I haven’t started training for said half marathon… (I’m going to get on that soon!)
  8. I caught up on Once Upon a Time
  9. I started watching American Horror Story (it’s so not good for my soul!)
  10. I started painting again
  11. I am currently reading The Maze Runner Series

These are just some of the changes in my life. Some changes have been easier than others. Change can be pretty hard for me to deal with at times, and the two biggest changes for me have been moving and being single again.

I knew that at some point I was going to move. With moving comes saying goodbye to friends and the life you led in a particular place. Leaving Oregon was a bittersweet thing. I am so happy to be with my grandparents again and spending time with other family members that live here, but I said goodbye to some really good friends in Oregon.

Becoming single is a very touchy subject for me. Taylor and I had talked about getting married, and it seemed like everything would work out with us. Two and a half weeks before I moved, he decided that we should split up because he had things he had to work on. That was the last thing I wanted to do because I would have married him that very moment if he asked me to. He had a ring and knew exactly how he would have proposed to me. Now he and I are not speaking because it was too hard for him to be my friend. So now I don’t know where we stand. Are we still hoping to get back together? Are we completely over? Did he get rid of everything I gave back to him? Does he still use his lanyard and Mickey key cover? Has he moved on? I have so many unanswered questions and no one to answer them.

I really hope that my heart gets better soon. I don’t handle heartbreak very well, and I’m not too sure how much longer I can last.

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

Taking a Leap of Faith

“Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.” John 12:25-26

So recently I’ve been reading a lot about taking a leap of faith. I’ve been reading about seeing where God has opened doors, and people walk through them just knowing and having faith that God will provide. And I am not going to lie to you. It’s hard. I feel like I have no idea as to what I am doing. I recently read a post about this pastor that moved cross country to follow what God has called him to do. This was the first of many readings about moving, and really taking a leap of faith.

Now I’m thinking, God, I am in my senior year of college. I am set to go to this grad school, why do You keep throwing this other one at me? Is this God’s way of saying, “Hey! You gotta listen to Me and follow Me. I have this great plan for you! Just trust Me.” And let’s be honest, it’s easier said than done. I’m not doubting that God has this great plan for me, I’m just not too thrilled that I have no idea what’s going on.

I want to live a life that glorifies God. I want to be able to make decisions that fall in line with His plan for my life. And there is nothing wrong with that, right?