Freeway

My church (Eastside Christian Church) and I have been going through this series called Freeway. It’s all about finding the “free way” through Christ. It’s about being honest with God, others, and more importantly, yourself.

So far, the topics that have been covered have been:
– Knowing the One who grants freedom
– Awareness
– Discovery
– Ownership
– Forgiveness

The topic that has struck me has been the topic of ownership. How does ownership grant you freedom? Are they even connected? Why yes, yes they are.

Ownership is connected to freedom by how we react and own up to our choices. An example in my life where I have lacked ownership has been when I lost one of my closest friends a year and a half ago. I blamed it God, and I mistreated the relationships I had/have and jumped into a romantic relationship before being ready. If I had taken ownership of the pain I felt from losing a friend, I probably wouldn’t be trying to mend a broken heart from a broken relationship that I allowed to compromise some of my morals.

In recent pop culture news, Shia LaBeouf opened up to Interview Magazine and stated that he found God while working on his recent film Fury. I read the interview, and let me tell you, I want to meet Shia even more now (I had a HUGE crush on him when he was on Even Stevens!). At the end of the interview, Shia says:

I’ve been a runner my whole life, running from myself. Whether to movies or drinking and drugging or fu**ing calamity or whatever it is, I’ve always been running. I’m a dude who loves delusion. It’s why I love being an actor—I never have to actually look at myself or be faced with my sh** or take responsibility. So it’s been an eye-opening thing to have to look at myself, at my life, and have these reflective moments… I’ve been blessed with a sh** life.

What I absolutely love about this quote and article in general is the realness of it. I think often times as Christians in America we look at our lives and circumstances and ask God “why?.” I know I do this, probably on the daily.

Shia’s interview shows revelations from his time as being a Christian that has taken me years to even grasp. He [now] takes ownership of the circumstances that he has been through, even if they weren’t his fault. He has had to take responsibility for his life.

As someone who has grown up in the church, I haven’t taken responsibility when I should have all along. So what if Shia throws out expletives ever so often, as a young-ish Christian, he is more mature than I am.

Shia has been a great example in realizing that I need to take responsibility of my life and the choices I make. My encouragement to you is to take a step back and look at your life. Maybe you’ll see that you already take responsibility for your life, or you need to make some choices and take ownership of certain actions you may have done. I know that I need to do this.

Be blessed guys!

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

P.S.
Sorry if this is all jumbled!

Advertisements

I had forgotten

Today I had the awesome opportunity to speak at a middle school girls’ Bible study at my old middle school. It was a bittersweet moment walking through the old hallways where I would hang out with my friends and talk about boys and school. The classroom where they hold these Bible studies are in my old history classroom. As the nostalgia was slowly fading, I remembered why I was there in the first place. I was going to be speaking to a room full of girls, and I was nervous as heck to say the least.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to reach out to students and show them God’s love, but when it comes to speaking, it’s my nightmare. But what is so scary about talking to middle school girls? It’s not like they’ll judge me on what I’m saying (how I look maybe a different story). The thing that scares me is that they are listening to me.

While their attention spans differ from each other, they will listen at different parts. They pick up on the odd things I say, my stutters, voice inflections, everything. I want to be a positive influence in their lives because this time in their lives is very crucial. They are finding out who they are and who they want to be. Their schemas are being solidified, and I hope that I can be a positive role in their lives.

My talk went well, and they want me back. These young girls were listening to every word I said. They listened intently, and they want me back. The dean of girls (she’s the one in charge) told me that she has trouble trying to get things accomplished with them, but that they were very in tune with what I was saying. That had to be God’s doing because I am way too awkward and weird to be listened to for 15 minutes.

As I was walking back to my car, I remembered what God wants me to do with my life. He wants me to reach out to young people and show them His love. I had forgotten what my purpose was, and what made me happy. I love being apart of students lives because not only am I able to love and bless them, but they’re reciprocating too. Whether you have forgotten what God has called you to do, or you’re too afraid to do it, God has a way of making it happen. When it does happen and you realize it, you’re going to be blessed, and it will be awesome!

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

Sometimes, I am a “Naomi”

I was reading through the book of Ruth lately. I remember growing up and hearing how I need to be like Ruth and stick with my family through every situation, or how I need to be like a Proverbs 31 woman. These are some crazy hard things to accomplish at 22, let alone 12.

When crazy and troubling times when I should be Ruth-like, I’m Naomi. I’m the brooding mother-in-law who thinks God is totally against me (a tad overdramatic, but hey! Someone has to be, right?).

I’m currently going through those troubling times. The question is, where to begin? I can start with moving from Oregon back to California. For some people, this is no big deal. I mean, I’m back in Los Angeles, the City of Angels. But for someone who has autism, change is hard. I am having a hard time with the transition. My room doesn’t feel like my room, mornings aren’t filled with Dutch Bros., and I do not have very many friends.

Then there is everything going on with my uncle. He was hospitalized before I moved back to California, and he stayed in the hospital for a few weeks before being sent home for hospice care. Some family members are just waiting for him to die, while others are still hoping and praying for a miracle. I don’t know what to do.

Then there is everything with Taylor. I replay the last few days in my mind to see what happened. Did I do something wrong? While he claimed that I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt/feel like I’m getting punished for it anyways. I may have not done anything wrong, but dealing with this with so many questions makes it difficult to move on. I want to know what happened, but I won’t get answers if communication isn’t there.

So the last month and a half has been interesting (I can’t say horrible because I know that my problems aren’t as bad as others). I have asked God where He is. I have wondered why this has all happened. Why would the people/person I need most bail when things became hard in my life? Was my love not enough?

So while I may never get the answers to my unending list of questions, I can’t forget what happened to Naomi. While she felt like God was being terrible to her (and possibly feeling abandoned), God never left her side. He was working through Ruth to bless her. My Ruth may not be so clear to me right now, but I know that some day I will know.

If you are going through a hard time or know someone that is and you/they may be acting like Naomi, it’s okay. It’s okay because you/they have a Ruth in your/their lives. It may be hard to see now, but know that they’re there. And lastly, God is there by your/their side whether feelings of abandonment or like He is against you are present. He has always been faithful, so why wouldn’t He be faithful now?

I love you guys.

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

The Struggle is Real: An Open Letter to Non-Believers

For all the people that do not believe in Christianity, I would like to say that I am sorry. This isn’t like a pious, “I’m sorry that I am better than all of you.” type of apology. It is just an apology from one person to another. I am sorry.

I am sorry that Christians try to shove religion down your throat. I am sorry that people preach hatred. I am sorry if you have felt victimized by Christianity in any way. I am sorry that Christianity has not done what they’re preaching. Lastly, I am sorry for not doing my own part. I am sorry if I have wronged anyone, and if my actions pushed you away from Christianity.

I have gotten caught up in doing good. Not that that’s wrong, but the heart behind it is wrong. I haven’t done good to benefit others and show them God’s love; I’ve done it to make myself look good. Honestly, doing things to make one look good sucks (yes, I just said that I suck)! Am I wrong?

Being a Christian is about doing what God has called us to do: love others, share the news of Christ through love, helping others out, and constantly growing the relationship built on Christ. We aren’t perfect. We’re not better than others. And we sure as hell (it’s okay if I say that, right?) shouldn’t be acting as if we are better or perfect. I’m guilty of doing this, and I apologize.

The purpose of this letter/blog is not to automatically convert you to Christianity, but to show you that not all of us are the same. We’re not all pious and bigots. If the only interaction you’ve had with Christians have been with people that have treated you wrongly, I am sorry. I’m not proud of that, and I’m certain that the Man upstairs ain’t to thrilled either.

As a Christian myself, I will do my best to show love and Christ in all that I do. If we ever get the chance to meet, I hope that the experience you have with me is a memorable one (for good reasons of course). I love you all, and I hope that you don’t hold all the bogus encounters with Christians to everyone who believes in Christianity.