Saying “Goodbye”

Over the last two years, I have had to say “goodbye” to certain people in my life. Some of them were because of personal reasons, people wanting to peace out of my life, and death. I for one am not too fond of goodbyes. I feel like what I had known for so long, what felt so secure, is nothing more than something that can be snatched away.

I was watching the new Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb movie at the theatre by myself (sometimes you just need “me time,” you know?), and there was one particular scene that hit me pretty hard.

In the scene, Robin Williams’ character, Teddy Roosevelt, tells Ben Stiller’s character, Larry Daley, that he and some of the other museum characters are ready for a change. Larry replies with a very emotional, “But I’m not ready!” (see?! No real spoilers!)

I started thinking, how many times have I said that to others? How many times have I thought this when I couldn’t bring myself to say the words?

I began to think of the people I have lost. They seemed to have been ready to go, whether it was by choice or death. The only person in the relationships (platonic, familial, and dating) that wasn’t ready was me.

Often times I think of how I’m not ready to let go of certain things, but I am reminded that even though I may not be ready, others might be. I need to respect that, and let go even when I feel like I can’t. Courage isn’t found in being brave, but is found in going through the scary and painful things.

I know that I am nowhere near brave, let alone courageous. I am just a girl that longs for consistency, stability, just something that will not hurt me. The odds of finding that in life are slim to none. I need to accept that. I need to accept that life is a series of ups and downs; it’s constantly changing.

That’s where Christ steps in. He is the true constant in my life. He hasn’t peaced out on me. He hasn’t told me, “I just can’t be with you right now.” Or, “I can’t do this anymore. I need an out.” He is the most legit thing I have.

And yes, I have felt like sometimes he wasn’t there for me. But how many people have we pushed away only to feel like no one cares? Where my fears, anxiety and doubts have plagued my life, His love and grace abounded so much more.

Now I’m not saying that this all changes my anxiety, but what I am saying is that it continues to push me to a point where I can have courage despite the crappiness of my life. I can go through the scary and painful things in life because even though I may not be ready, I know that Someone is ready.

I know that being courageous isn’t easy, but knowing that there is a constant can make it bearable. I’m not going through it alone, and neither are you.

If you ever need a bro to talk to, or someone to go through life with you, I am totally here for you. I would love to be courageous with you. I can be reached via Twitter (@beckyblendr), Instagram (@beckyblender), Facebook (Becky Espinoza), and Email bec.espinoza@gmail.com. Life isn’t meant to be done alone.

Love & Hugs,
Becky

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Doubting is Okay

I recently saw a tweet that said “Doubt and die, or believe and live.” This got me upset.

I feel that often Christians expect believers to buy into this ideology. If God said it, believe it. If it’s in the Bible, believe it. Don’t ask questions. Accept and believe.

The problem with this is that we’re not all made the same. Not everyone can blindly accept information. Some of us have to logically find the connections for us to believe. And let’s face it, the Big Man made us, so He understands if we have questions and doubts.

If you have doubts or questions about your faith, or if you should have faith at all, it’s okay. I have doubts and questions all the time.

Have you heard about a guy in the Bible named (well, nicknamed) Doubting Thomas? You can find his story in John 20:24-29. He is the disciple that wasn’t around when Jesus appeared to his disciples when He resurrected. The disciples then told Thomas that Jesus had come back to life (insert Hank Azaria’s voice from Night at the Museum 2)! Thomas’ response was pretty much: bros, I just gotta see Him for myself, or I’m not gonna believe.

He gets the nickname Doubting Thomas for having a pretty natural reaction to the situation. Would you believe that someone you were close to that died came back to life? Probably not. Or you’d think that it was some sort of a sick joke. You may wish that they came back, but the odds of that happening are zero to none. But once he saw Christ, living and breathing, he believed.

When your doubts or questions consume you, that is when it can become a problem. Doubts are supposed to cause you to search and hopefully find an answer or find peace in not knowing the answer.

Not gonna lie though, doubting sucks. And sometimes, it’s hella hard to doubt your doubts. But just don’t let your doubts consume you.

Remember, doubting is okay. It’s just a matter of what you do with those doubts.