Kind of an Update?

Hello friends!

I’m sorry for not uploading or anything recently. Life has been crazy at home and at school, but things have slowed down and hopefully I can be more consistent whether it’s filming with an actual camera or my phone! I hope you guys enjoy the new update!

Lots of love and Hugs,
Becky Espinoza

I had forgotten

Today I had the awesome opportunity to speak at a middle school girls’ Bible study at my old middle school. It was a bittersweet moment walking through the old hallways where I would hang out with my friends and talk about boys and school. The classroom where they hold these Bible studies are in my old history classroom. As the nostalgia was slowly fading, I remembered why I was there in the first place. I was going to be speaking to a room full of girls, and I was nervous as heck to say the least.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to reach out to students and show them God’s love, but when it comes to speaking, it’s my nightmare. But what is so scary about talking to middle school girls? It’s not like they’ll judge me on what I’m saying (how I look maybe a different story). The thing that scares me is that they are listening to me.

While their attention spans differ from each other, they will listen at different parts. They pick up on the odd things I say, my stutters, voice inflections, everything. I want to be a positive influence in their lives because this time in their lives is very crucial. They are finding out who they are and who they want to be. Their schemas are being solidified, and I hope that I can be a positive role in their lives.

My talk went well, and they want me back. These young girls were listening to every word I said. They listened intently, and they want me back. The dean of girls (she’s the one in charge) told me that she has trouble trying to get things accomplished with them, but that they were very in tune with what I was saying. That had to be God’s doing because I am way too awkward and weird to be listened to for 15 minutes.

As I was walking back to my car, I remembered what God wants me to do with my life. He wants me to reach out to young people and show them His love. I had forgotten what my purpose was, and what made me happy. I love being apart of students lives because not only am I able to love and bless them, but they’re reciprocating too. Whether you have forgotten what God has called you to do, or you’re too afraid to do it, God has a way of making it happen. When it does happen and you realize it, you’re going to be blessed, and it will be awesome!

Lots of love & hugs,
Becky

Doubting is Okay

I recently saw a tweet that said “Doubt and die, or believe and live.” This got me upset.

I feel that often Christians expect believers to buy into this ideology. If God said it, believe it. If it’s in the Bible, believe it. Don’t ask questions. Accept and believe.

The problem with this is that we’re not all made the same. Not everyone can blindly accept information. Some of us have to logically find the connections for us to believe. And let’s face it, the Big Man made us, so He understands if we have questions and doubts.

If you have doubts or questions about your faith, or if you should have faith at all, it’s okay. I have doubts and questions all the time.

Have you heard about a guy in the Bible named (well, nicknamed) Doubting Thomas? You can find his story in John 20:24-29. He is the disciple that wasn’t around when Jesus appeared to his disciples when He resurrected. The disciples then told Thomas that Jesus had come back to life (insert Hank Azaria’s voice from Night at the Museum 2)! Thomas’ response was pretty much: bros, I just gotta see Him for myself, or I’m not gonna believe.

He gets the nickname Doubting Thomas for having a pretty natural reaction to the situation. Would you believe that someone you were close to that died came back to life? Probably not. Or you’d think that it was some sort of a sick joke. You may wish that they came back, but the odds of that happening are zero to none. But once he saw Christ, living and breathing, he believed.

When your doubts or questions consume you, that is when it can become a problem. Doubts are supposed to cause you to search and hopefully find an answer or find peace in not knowing the answer.

Not gonna lie though, doubting sucks. And sometimes, it’s hella hard to doubt your doubts. But just don’t let your doubts consume you.

Remember, doubting is okay. It’s just a matter of what you do with those doubts.

The Struggle is Real: An Open Letter to Non-Believers

For all the people that do not believe in Christianity, I would like to say that I am sorry. This isn’t like a pious, “I’m sorry that I am better than all of you.” type of apology. It is just an apology from one person to another. I am sorry.

I am sorry that Christians try to shove religion down your throat. I am sorry that people preach hatred. I am sorry if you have felt victimized by Christianity in any way. I am sorry that Christianity has not done what they’re preaching. Lastly, I am sorry for not doing my own part. I am sorry if I have wronged anyone, and if my actions pushed you away from Christianity.

I have gotten caught up in doing good. Not that that’s wrong, but the heart behind it is wrong. I haven’t done good to benefit others and show them God’s love; I’ve done it to make myself look good. Honestly, doing things to make one look good sucks (yes, I just said that I suck)! Am I wrong?

Being a Christian is about doing what God has called us to do: love others, share the news of Christ through love, helping others out, and constantly growing the relationship built on Christ. We aren’t perfect. We’re not better than others. And we sure as hell (it’s okay if I say that, right?) shouldn’t be acting as if we are better or perfect. I’m guilty of doing this, and I apologize.

The purpose of this letter/blog is not to automatically convert you to Christianity, but to show you that not all of us are the same. We’re not all pious and bigots. If the only interaction you’ve had with Christians have been with people that have treated you wrongly, I am sorry. I’m not proud of that, and I’m certain that the Man upstairs ain’t to thrilled either.

As a Christian myself, I will do my best to show love and Christ in all that I do. If we ever get the chance to meet, I hope that the experience you have with me is a memorable one (for good reasons of course). I love you all, and I hope that you don’t hold all the bogus encounters with Christians to everyone who believes in Christianity.