Sometimes, I am a “Naomi”

I was reading through the book of Ruth lately. I remember growing up and hearing how I need to be like Ruth and stick with my family through every situation, or how I need to be like a Proverbs 31 woman. These are some crazy hard things to accomplish at 22, let alone 12.

When crazy and troubling times when I should be Ruth-like, I’m Naomi. I’m the brooding mother-in-law who thinks God is totally against me (a tad overdramatic, but hey! Someone has to be, right?).

I’m currently going through those troubling times. The question is, where to begin? I can start with moving from Oregon back to California. For some people, this is no big deal. I mean, I’m back in Los Angeles, the City of Angels. But for someone who has autism, change is hard. I am having a hard time with the transition. My room doesn’t feel like my room, mornings aren’t filled with Dutch Bros., and I do not have very many friends.

Then there is everything going on with my uncle. He was hospitalized before I moved back to California, and he stayed in the hospital for a few weeks before being sent home for hospice care. Some family members are just waiting for him to die, while others are still hoping and praying for a miracle. I don’t know what to do.

Then there is everything with Taylor. I replay the last few days in my mind to see what happened. Did I do something wrong? While he claimed that I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt/feel like I’m getting punished for it anyways. I may have not done anything wrong, but dealing with this with so many questions makes it difficult to move on. I want to know what happened, but I won’t get answers if communication isn’t there.

So the last month and a half has been interesting (I can’t say horrible because I know that my problems aren’t as bad as others). I have asked God where He is. I have wondered why this has all happened. Why would the people/person I need most bail when things became hard in my life? Was my love not enough?

So while I may never get the answers to my unending list of questions, I can’t forget what happened to Naomi. While she felt like God was being terrible to her (and possibly feeling abandoned), God never left her side. He was working through Ruth to bless her. My Ruth may not be so clear to me right now, but I know that some day I will know.

If you are going through a hard time or know someone that is and you/they may be acting like Naomi, it’s okay. It’s okay because you/they have a Ruth in your/their lives. It may be hard to see now, but know that they’re there. And lastly, God is there by your/their side whether feelings of abandonment or like He is against you are present. He has always been faithful, so why wouldn’t He be faithful now?

I love you guys.

Lots of love & hugs,


The Perfect Life

In this day and age, we live in a time where we show the world that we have perfect lives. On Instagram, we often see #selfies of girls that have often edited the photo to make themselves look good or better. I am so guilty of this (although not all my selfies have been edited, just a few)!

Why do we do this though? Is it bad to show our imperfections? Will people truly hate or judge us because we aren’t perfect?

We clearly live in a society that makes perfection difficult to obtain. You can always be thinner. You can always dye those grays. You can get plastic surgery. There is a solution for things, but there will always be a way to take it further, to be better.

Why do we put so much stress on ourselves to be perfect? Will it make our relationships better? Will it help our grades? Will we get richer? Will we find the love of our life that way?

Probably not. And it bites that we get upset over others imperfections.

My lovely boyfriend, Taylor, has ADD. He chooses to not take any meds to manage his ADD. When we first met, I knew something was different. I noticed his rapid eye shifts, his slight head turns to a noise he could hear from afar, the distracted looks he’d make when I would try to talk to him. He eventually told me that he has ADD. I could hear the slight tinge of fear as he uttered the words “I have ADD.”

I ended up finding out that in previous relationships his exes would get upset, even to the point of yelling at him for his ADD showing. That broke my heart. It’s a part of who he is, but it is not who he is. I love him even more because of his ADD. He sees the world differently, and it’s amazing!

Now I’m not telling you this to say that I’m an amazing girlfriend for loving her boyfriend with ADD. I’m saying that what others would say is an imperfection, we should see as something that makes someone unique and their own person.

We have all been created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-28), and He saw what He had made and said that it is good (Gen. 1:31). If God has uniquely created us, why should we have to perfect ourselves? Why should we judge others for being imperfect?

If you have an imperfection that you don’t like, and you can change it in a healthy manner, go for it. I’m not saying that you can change and make better choices for yourself, just please don’t make changes to please others or to make it seem like your life is perfect.

The only One that can make our lives perfect is God. He has made us perfect in Christ, so let us look at others the way God sees them: forgiven, loved, and whole.

For the First Time in Forever

For the first time in forever (yes, this is a Frozen reference, which I saw today!), I went to the driving range with my boyfriend Taylor. The last time I was at the driving range was July. Over six months of not swinging a driver will definitely show.

Now, I’ve only been “playing” (the quotes are because I don’t really play) golf since April of last year. I’m not that good of a player, my form could use a lot of help, and I still get sore.

I always wanted to try golf. Every time I went mini golfing, I always tried to mimic Tiger Woods. I knocked the wind out of my sister, and I gave my brother a huge bump on his head. I got in trouble for physically hurting my siblings, but no one ever thought to actually get me into golf.

It wasn’t until Taylor and I started dating that I actually got a chance to try golf. He was on our college’s golf team, and he has played for half his life. His form is amazing; his drives are far, and he is just a natural at it.

Then there’s me, amongst those that have played golf for several years. I awkwardly try to position myself as try to swing. I rapidly change my stance from one awkward position to the next. I can feel Taylor’s loving eyes fixed on me as I’m about to swing. I take a deep breath, and I swing. The ball doesn’t seem to go past 50 yards, and Taylor asks me where my weight is on my feet. He knew exactly what I was doing wrong, and he knew how to remedy it, just by looking.

You must be wondering if I listened. I did. I shifted my weight, and the distance just about tripled.

I think often times, I’m still that awkward golfer in life, namely my faith. I work with middle schoolers and high schoolers at my church. I watch them grow, and hopefully they love Jesus more and more. As I put together the studies I will use for my small groups and the discussion, I lack the drive to ask those that are experienced.

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with asking someone for help. It’s even better when you’re asking for help from someone who has more experience than you.

But if you’re anything like me, you’re stubborn and you want to do it on your own. Proverbs says that pride comes before a fall. I hope that I see that I am wrong before I fall. That I can ask for help before I cause a young to fall. The area where I see God calling me, I want to do the best I can to help young people. I want them to see God in me, but they can’t if I’m prideful.

I need to surround myself with experienced Christians that can guide me and mentor me. They will be able to loving look at my work and tell what I am doing wrong, and what I am doing write. I know what I’m supposed to do, and I hope I do it.

The Technicalities of Christmas

What do you normally think of when asked to describe the Christmas story (not to be confused with the 1983 movie A Christmas Story)? Often times we think of Mary travelling by donkey while Joseph led the way, inn keepers turning away a very pregnant Mary and her husband, a wooden stable, three wise men, etc. But some people like to say that there probably wasn’t a donkey, there was no record of any interaction with inn keepers, if stables where even wooden then, or the fact that there could have been a caravan of people travelling that were wise men/magi. There are so many details or things that have been added to the story that are important to a certain degree, but we lose sight of what really matters.

So, what is it that truly matters in the Christmas story? It’s the fact that Jesus stepped out of eternity and became a man. That God gave up His Son so that we may have a chance to spend all of eternity with Him. That Jesus gave up every right to be selfish, and decided to be one of us.

But how does all of this link to the baby in the manger? That baby grows up to be Man on the Cross. He grows up to be Jesus Christ, the Messiah, the King of Kings, the Man who will come back again. I fear that many of us forget to have that baby grow up, that we don’t connect Him to the Man that rose again on that first Easter morning, the Man who gave up His life for us. We need to see that connection, that growth, because if we don’t, then Christmas can become another commercialized holiday.

This winter season, will you let the baby in the manger stay there? Or will you let the Child we call our Savior grow up?

The choice is yours…

  • Further Reading:
  • Isaiah 7
  • Matthew 1:18 – 2:12
  • Luke 2
  • Isaiah 53
  • John 3:16